Monday, January 24, 2011

Our Favourite Excuse: “I’m a Victim!”

Have an expanding waistline? It’s not your fault! Some-one else is to blame: WALMART! reports that “researchers found that one new Walmart supercentre per 100,000 residents meant an average weight gain of 1.5 pounds per person sometime over a 10-year period dating from the store's opening.”

Apparently, they are trampling our good health by allowing us to trample their inner aisles seeking cheap delights and fodder. Maybe we can sue Walmart for our waistlines like the woman who sued McDonalds for injury from hot coffee!

With obesity responsible for decreasing Canadian health, Walmart must be responsible for the extended health care line-ups and increasing health care costs. If Walmart is responsible for our poor health, then it’s reasonable to consider someone else is responsible for our character failings.

Of course, our parents! Their poor example and errors in our up-bringing make us the people we are. And I thought I was responsible for the way I behave. They are to blame and should be charged for my failures.

Most of us can’t sue our parents, they are probably dead. Problem is, they had parents also whom they could have sued, and their parents had . . . The Bible’s right, it’s all Adam and Eve’s fault for the way we are now.

Really? Don’t they have the same excuse? Let’s face it. They didn’t put the snake in the garden. Walmart has shown us that yielding to temptation is not the sin, it is in providing the opportunity to yield. And that God supplied! That’s better; finally have that guilt monkey off my back.

Let’s revel in our new-found innocence. Let’s continue in corpulence, disease and death, and finish in the fires of Hell. After all, we have the greatest excuse: It’s all someone else’s fault!

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