A Wedding Charge

Yesterday I was privileged to give the charge to the bride and groom at a friend’s wedding. Here it is in full.

1.  Celebrate the Difference

The psalmist recognized: “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”[1]

I’m sure you’ve noticed He also made us different, as different in personality as we are in looks. And like opposite poles of a magnet, opposite temperaments attract. Ann and I are vivid examples of that! Of course, we need common interests to share: common beliefs are critical; in addition, a common culture, shared pursuits, and desires, all aid in making us one.

But when it comes to temperament and talents, we admire in others those things that we lack, and we fall in love with someone different: someone who displays our missing qualities.

However, the differences that attracted us to each other can eventually exasperate us, because we each do things differently. Then I may try to make the other over into my own image. If I’m successful, the difference that attracted me fades, and the source of my excitement is lost. I may venture elsewhere to fill the void.

The disordered way in which she loads the dishwasher—compared, of course, with my efficient arrangement, is not the time for irritation and rebuke. No, it’s a time to rejoice that the vitality I most admire is still in the house and relish that happy incompatibility.

To respect the other this way honours God

2.  Persevere Through Hardship

Job warned: “man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward.”[2]

Our culture of easy divorce promotes lack of commitment. It encourages the attitude: “If it doesn’t work for me, I can always leave.” At the first sign of trouble, it’s too easy to consider the marriage has failed and bail out.

But an old adage tells us: “A ship’s captain doesn’t learn his craft on a calm sea.” Enjoy the green pastures and still waters God will provide that nurtures your love. But also remember James who considered it “pure joy, whenever you face trials of many kinds.”[3] Marriage is not built holding hands on a glassy sea, but by perseverance through the storms that erupt upon it. That perseverance will deepen and mature your marriage, and forge the bond that lasts a lifetime.

Christ faced the conflict and the cross to ensure for us an eternal and secure relationship with Him. He made the ultimate sacrifice. Conflict exposes our level of readiness to sacrifice for the one we love to ensure our marriage stays secure. Joy can be the outcome of conflict, for happiness is the by-product of service.

To serve the other this way honours God.

3.  Mirror Christ’s Commitment

Recall Jesus: “being made in human likeness—took on the very nature of a servant.”4

My devotion to my wife or husband measures my devotion to God, for the first purpose of marriage is to reflect God’s faithfulness to His own. How I serve my partner betrays what I really believe about Christ’s sacrifice for me. So Paul admonishes us: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”[4]

Now, practising this belief not only strengthens marriage, our fervency of faith is also the greatest legacy we can pass to our children. Like us and your parents, your family will likely proliferate and bring joy beyond imagination. They will learn the reality of God’s love and grace to us all by your joyful and persistent commitment to God—by showing, not telling. Outworking our intimacy with God is necessary, not optional, if we wish to draw our children to faith in God.

Unlike Christ’s sacrifice for us, our destiny is not once to die for those God gives to our care. It is a far greater challenge: to live daily for them. May those who come behind us find us faithful.

To live for them this way honours God.

So, “hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.”[5]

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[1] Psalm 139:14

[2] Job 5: 7

[3] James 1:2

[4] Ephesians 5:21

[5] Hebrews 10:23


See our book, Happy Together: Daily insights for Families from Scripture, on our website at http://www.pebblepress.ca/

Family: Thinking Outside the "Nuclear" Box

Although my previous blog suggested a redirection of future blogs to marriage and family from random subjects that grabbed me, it will not be an either/or situation. Marriage is affected by cultural changes—often the burden of my previous blogs. As today’s blog shows, the “big picture” affects you and your family, perhaps more than you realize. Let me know your thoughts.

Some-one told me recently of a young colleague who married and went on honeymoon for two weeks. On her return, she was asked how the vacation went, to which she replied the marriage was over and they were getting divorced.

I was twenty-nine, married ten years, when our young family immigrated to Canada. Until that time I knew of only two divorces. A lot has happened in nearly fifty years since. Now, of course, England is plagued with the same deterioration of marriage as most western nations.

At the outset, I want my view that undergirds the deliberations of this blog clearly understood. Much of what happens in this world, both on an international and personal level is a reflection of the spiritual battle instigated by Satan.

Those who dismiss the spiritual element in world affairs have an enormous problem accounting for evil residing in humanity. They vainly hold to the idea that humans are basically good, and changes, perhaps initially unpleasant, will eventually lead to humanity perfecting itself.

Paradoxically, that philosophy results in support for a declining value of life. It commenced with the sixties attack on the morals guarding sex and reproduction. It demanded sex “liberated” to greater freedom: recreation without procreation, or simply, sex without children.

Abortion was a natural outcome, lowering the value of human life, which in turn opened the door to euthanasia, assisted suicide, and “mercy” killing. This battle and its eventual wider demands, now being waged in the “civilised” west, must have Hitler laughing in his grave.

What has this to do with marriage? Simply that breaking up the family is an assault on the children. Fracturing the nuclear family leads to the decreasing safety of children within marriage. That abets and parallels the fracturing of society and the decreasing security for the vulnerable.

It is no coincidence that the decline in regard for God parallels the lowering of the value of human life, a breakdown in morality, and the assault on the family. Without the Creator’s compass to direct life, maintaining a just society rests on the opinions of fallen humanity.

This is why the Gospel is a redeeming influence on society at large, for, it seems to me, the long term stability of a nation rests on the care it provides to the weakest. And that is reflected in God’s love for us.

Change of Direction?

The weekend was hectic—at least that’s my excuse for a late blog. The weekend was mostly a writers’ conference, and again, there was a call for bloggers to identify their audience if they wanted to increase readership. I’ve heard the call before, but usually resisted it.

I’m not in the numbers game, I tell myself. I need to say what fires me, even if others don’t like it and switch off. So I rationalize retaining the faithful few who for some reason follow my ramblings all over the planet.

But then I recall that my writing is not just for me to express myself, but in some way to help others. This is a really radical thought, for it leads to a reversal of intention and a fundamentally different end product. But what?

Then I recall a blog written months ago about family that garnered several times the readership I am used to. I have to conclude that if so many people found that at least interesting, perhaps even helpful, then I must have scratched where it itched.

So my perhaps I should redirect this blog to the subjects of marriage, family, and relationships for a while, and see if my prognostications are right. But that poses a problem.

First, the information on marriage is endless. It seems everyone has all the answers, but which is clearly contradicted by the statistics. It seems the more we think we know, the less effective it is. Secondly, even after 58 years of marriage, I still don’t have all the answers.

That`s not to say I haven’t learned a lot, nor that my guide for life, the Bible, doesn’t give direction. But I recognise that I, like everyone else, is a finite, fallen being and that apart from God’s grace and the insight of His Spirit, my thinking is easily clouded or distorted.

So with such an excess of competition, and a frequently uninformed understanding of marital relationships, how much do I have to offer? Will I go this route? I’ll think about it and let you know next weekend.

Suicide Atack on Pakistani Chruch Kills 78 People

 

A pair of suicide bombers blew themselves up outside a 130-year-old church in Peshawar after Sunday Mass, killing at least 60 people in the deadliest attack on Christians in recent history. “The number of dead will be more than 200 because the Church was full to its capacity,” one worshipper, Caroline White, told The Telegraph.

This is today’s news—September 22, 2013. In most of the Muslim world it is dangerous to be a Christian—Egypt, Syria, Lebanon and Pakistan among others. There is sufficient diversity in the Quran to legitimize both the claim that Islam is a peaceful religion, but also that opponents must be eliminated.

The latter teaching has given rise to the jihadist movement that seeks to impose Islam and Sharia law upon the entire earth. It inspires religious fervour to achieve its goal through indiscriminate violence against any belief that opposes it—especially Christianity or “Christian” countries.

So this type of attack should come as no surprise, and will continue as an ongoing war against the “infidel.” But we in the west should not be complacent, that “It can’t happen here.” The program for take-over is threefold.

Bill Calderwood’s research in his book: What in Heavens’ Name is Happening on Earth? notes stage one as a weakened state where the Muslim community lives in peace, but attracts converts and seeks influence in the wider population.

Stage two, the preparation stage, establishes influence in every area of the target country, from financial, government and military, ready to strike and impose an Islamic Sharia dictatorship. Already, in Britain and France, there are “no-go” Muslim areas where Sharia law is enforced.

The last stage is open jihadist attack to terrorize and subdue opposing elements. “Every Muslim’s duty is to actively fight the enemy, overturning the system of the non-Muslim country and establishing Islamic authority.”p.108.

This attack should leave us in no doubt they would be just as happy to export the same treatment to western nations once they have sufficient strength and resources to do so. Small cells currently attempting that in the west are simply a precursor of greater jihadist goals for us.

BUILDINGS REVEAL OUR ATTUTUDE TO GOD

It is said you can tell a lot about a person from the books on his shelf. Similarly, it seems to me that we can gain much about culture from the buildings each society erects.

A visit to Stonehenge during a trip to England this summer reminded me that many ancient structures across the world: the Mayan temples, the pyramids, and so on, as well as Stonehenge, were remnants of human search for God—recognition of a greater power and authority beyond humankind.

More recently, much of the heritage of Europe is found in Greek and Roman temples and Christian churches and cathedrals. The villages and towns of Europe were all nestled around the spire of the local church.

All this points to the human search for God throughout history, a natural desire placed there by a Creator who yearns for His creation to seek Him. But it has been argued that if God wanted us to find Him, He has failed miserably.

Unfortunately, many religions try to manage or appease God in some way—an attempt to control the uncontrollable. It is as we recognize not only His compassion and mercy, but also our need of them, that we discover Him.

A further argument suggests that God could easily reveal Himself if He existed. But the apparent hiddenness of God reveals His desire that we should seek Him willingly. Irrefutable evidence of His reality would coerce unwilling allegiance to Him.

As it is, we have the option to recognize or dismiss Him from the evidence and experience around us: to be masters of our own fate; to accept or deny a final accountability; to deny even when inwardly convinced of His final authority over our lives.

Even a cursory knowledge of history reveals a continuing human search for God through the centuries; except perhaps the last century in the western world. Most westerners deny or ignore the existence of God—unthinkable to previous generations.

Which brings us to buildings in cities today. The vast or soaring structures may symbolize the importance of commerce or manufacturing; a lesser level for education and healthcare. But reverence for God is tucked neatly away in the concrete jungle.

The ability to ignore God for our own convenience is alive but not well for today’s culture.